Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
