Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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