May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i drank out of a bidet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
