$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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