just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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