i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
