i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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