you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
