I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
