party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
