Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
