I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
