I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize