he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Still dying that you shit outside
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize