So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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