K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's official drugs can't kill me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
