Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize