I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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