Got a toothbrush?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
