So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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