Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
