she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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