The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
