Me too!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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