would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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