Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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