She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
