I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize