There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i will never coherently bang her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
