Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
