i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
