so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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