Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
