I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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