when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
