One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
