CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
