btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
