Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You need a sexual gate keeper
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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