Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
