So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
