I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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