You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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