Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I AM VODKA MAN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
