My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
