worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
