Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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