All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize