i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
