why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope mine doesn't look like that
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
