There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
