I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
