Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
