i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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