Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
