oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
