My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
