I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
