Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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