Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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