The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
