is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
