I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
