grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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