i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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