Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
