Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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