DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
