is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
