I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
