I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
