I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
