Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
