If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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