WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
