she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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