The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
