She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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