she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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