I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I deserve this hangover.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
